Shino's Sexy Trick
by badgermomma
Summary: When Shino's girlfriend is down in the dumps, he calls upon a powerful technique to cheer her up. oneshot


**Shino's Sexy Trick**

Disclaimer: these r so boring so ive decided 2 spice mine up a bit: i dont own naruto. would u like some cinnamon b4 u go? ha ha, i have fooled u, that cinnamon was actually BASIL!! u will now die from basil poisoning!

Authors' Note(s): yea, um this story has an oc from GreenEyed Monster in it and if u want to understand whats up with her then u should read this first. takes place after tsunade takes over. the sand sibs r in here b/c life feels naked without them. also the genin are 16, cuz thats a pretty number. also, shino is in his old clothes, because thats how im used to him. i like his hair! X3 yes, i admit i love his 'fro! R&R pleez! No flames pleez or ill have to make my rabid attack koala hunt u down and PEE ON YOUR CARPET!

Its funny how people feel the need to replace silence with conversation, as if silence is a horrible monster that no one can bare seeing for even a fraction of a second. The problem with trying to fill the void is that it can bring up things best left unspoken of. It can burn bridges, cause wars, and ruin friendships. The most horrible thing that can happen is that a something best left suppressed can arise. That's exactly what caused these events to unfold.

Aburame Shino, Tobias Loki, Inuzuka Kiba, Uzumaki Naruto, Kakuro, Yamanaka Ino, and Haruno Sakura sat at the ramen bar, talking quietly with their friends. All except for Shino and Loki. The werewolf chunin had pushed her ramen away and sat with her head resting on folded arms and a sad, distant look in her eyes. Shino had pulled down his collar and quit eating his lunch to look over at his girlfriend in concern. It wasn't like his kitsune to turn down a bowl of ramen. Loki could be just as bad as Naruto.

Kankuro, who was arguing with Kiba over who would win in a battle: his puppet or Akamaru. After having the dog growl at him, he gave up the conversation, and looked over at the girl with brown and blue hair.

"Hey, Loki-chan, what's the matter? Look like someone stepped on your tail," the puppet master called down the bar. The others quit talking and looked at Tobias Loki.

"Papa hadn't been feeling well, and he made me leave so I wouldn't get what he had. I checked in on him this morning and he was worse so I had to take him to Tsunade." They all that "Papa" was Umino Iruka, Loki's adoptive father. Iruka and Loki were very close. Everyone just said "Oh..." and looked away embarassed at bringing up the chunin's problem.

Shino knew of this, too, because she had asked to stay at his home for a little while. Of course he didn't object. Who would say no to a girl that hot? Shino had to come get from the hospital, because the Hokage didn't appreciate the worried shinobi's hovering and snapping at the nurses when they didn't move fast enough.

Behind his dark sunglasses, Shino's mind was ticking, trying to think of a way to cheer up the Shadow Kitsune. Maybe chocolate? All girls like chocolate, but Loki didn't seem to have an appetite. Flowers are pretty. Then he thought of what she had told him once about how when people give people flowers, they're really just giving out dying vegetation. A dozen other ideas popped into his mind but they were all turned down because you REALLY shouldn't do those kind of things in public. Finally a public-safe idea popped into Shino's mind.

He ordered a strawberry daiquiri (let's pretend, ok?) and tried his best to wait patiently for its arrival. Naruto, who had been too busy stuffing his face to have noticed that Loki was depressed, wondered what Shino was doing oredering that mixed drink. Wasn't he underage? Oh well, maybe you need a few drinks for having to put up with millions of tiny insects crawling in your body. The chilly drink arrived and Shino quickly thanked the waitress. Naruto had the attention span of a flea taking speed and took his attention off of the Aburame.

Shino inspected the drink and began to drink it quickly, which, of course, induced a number of brain freezes that were so horrible that his bugs began to scream and writhe in agony. Suprisingly, no one noticed the spasming bug ninja, as they were whispering about what a shame it was that the poor little werewolf shinobi had to go threw this, and how they hoped her Papa would be okay.

After a few minutes of hoping that hoping that he would just hurry up and have a stroke to put him out of his misery, the drink was emptied, save for a puff of dilluted whip cream at the bottom and a lone cherry. Shino stuck his hand into the glass like a homeless person trying to get that last pickle out of the jar, and plucked the tiny fruit from the cup.

"Kitsune?" Shino asked quietly. Loki looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. He really hoped this worked.

"Would you like me to show you a trick," he questioned softly. The rest of the group looked over. None of them had ever seen Shino show off before. It was so... unlike him. the only person who he really cared to show his trick to nodded softly and lifted her head up so she could pay better attention.

He gave a half smirk, then opened his mouth and his tongue rolled out. Shino placed the cherry on the tip and pulled it back into his mouth. His mouth and jaws moved in strange directions that would make a master contortist proud. All of the people in the bar held their breath as they watched the man perfom his trick. A crease formed between his brows in concentration. Finally he stopped.

Shino opened his mouth again and stuck his hand inside and pulled the cherry's stem out. No longer was the fruit attached, and the stem was no longer straight. It was curved into the shape of a butterfly. Kankuro gasped, Kiba said, "... huh?" Naruto began to beg him for the details to performing the cherry twister trick. Ino and Sakura forgot all about the now-evil (and not-so-fabulous-homosexual) Sasuke. Ino tried to flirt with Shino, who she had used to fear, and Sakura began to yap to him about how "Hawt" that was. Fickle little pervs.

Amazingly, Shino ignored all of these reactions. The only opinion that mattered to him was Tobias Loki's, and she was silent. He felt his heart sink. His plan had failed.

Then, suddenly, Loki turned around and used her most powerful technique: the backhand of the apocolypse, on Ino and Sakura, instantly killing them. No one cared that Sakura was dead, not even Naruto, but Kankuro felt sad that Ino had died. Just for a minute, though. Then he was happy then because his little brother didn't want to kill him anymore.

Loki turned back to Shino, who's hidden eyes looked up at her in shock. His girlfriend's eyes were no longer the teary bluish ones, but her normal, predatory green eyes. He had no idea what she was planning. She snatched Shino by his jacket, and tore him out of the ramen bar. All faces were blank in shock, except Ino and Sakura's, whose faces were currently missing in action, thanks to the werewolf shinobi's backhand of legend.

The next day after noon, Shino finally emerged from his house, a look of exhaustion and satisfaction on his normally hidden face. Naruto, Kiba, Kankuro, Choji, Lee, Neji, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Iruka (he only had the flu, and there was no way in hell he was going to miss out on this!) Asuma, Gaara, and Gai (notibly Shikamaru was not there, because he already has enough female attention) swarmed him as he collapsed underneath a tree. They were all stunned, and feared that Shino had died. Kakashi checked the still form's body and found a pulse. Cheers erupted from 12 mouths. Shino opened one bleary eye, but none of them really noticed.

"So... why exactly am I being stared at by 12 strange men? I need to start taking my meds again," the shinobi said with a husky, thick voice.

Jiraiya, who had no shame what so ever told Aburame Shino that they were all gathered around his prone figure so that they could discover the cherry trick to use to pick up women. He said he needed this for his book, and wanted to know why this trick worked on girls, while he had seen girls use a similar version once before.

"... I guess I should tell you, but its dangerous to your health. I mean, I'm lucky I left that house on my own two feet. I love her to death, but all women are reduced to whimpering masses of hormones when this technique is deployed. Really, I felt like the Energizer bunny! I just keep going, and going, and going... Sadly, I can't teach any of you. Its a kekkai genkai. Only Aburames can perform it. Even if I could teach you, it would backfire, and all women in the world would become instinct. I had to shoot her with a tranquilizer dart. Poor Kitsune," he finished. Shino really did look absolutly spent. And to belive that they had just thought he was walking funny because he was tired...

The men groaned and went their seperate ways. Shino went back to sleep. Loki was off in wet dream La-la-land. Jiraiya pouted.

Aburame Shibi creaked his door open that had previously been on lock down. He hoped that his son had finally subdued the turned on girl. Shibi wondered even if Shino had SURVIVED using the technique. He remembered using that technique once before. Nine months later baby Shino had been born. Suddenly, the horny werewolf charged at Shibi. Luckily he knew how to counter the cherry twister technique: he told her about how Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Sasuke had an incest relationship. Loki stopped dead in her tracks and went to go beat her head against a near-by wall.

Final Notes: yea!! it wasnt very funny, but i had someone show me that trick and even though it wasnt turned into a dragonfly, i still found it very sexy. i mean VERY. im also a master at the backhand of the apocolypse. its very lethal, and requires no chakra, only something that pisses u off really bad and a stern hand. just to let yall no, i have no problem with gay people. theyre the best! i just dont like sasuke, and i thought he is such a little bitch that he deserves nothing less than having incest sex with his brother. R&R pleez! No flames pleez or ill have to make my rabid attack koala hunt u down and PEE ON YOUR CARPET!!!


End file.
